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Mary's story

Seven years ago, my husband Grant and I were having a lot of fun raising Grant’s children from a previous relationship on our organic lifestyle block and we weren’t really thinking of babies. I was also aware Grant had had a vasectomy previously. 

Shortly after marrying though, my husband Grant and I decided we’d like to start the process of having children. He was in his 40’s and I was in my 30’s.  We were both healthy, happy and ready to begin our new journey with our offspring.

Grant had booked in for a reversal vasectomy which was not successful; a visit with our fertility doctor basically confirmed that it would be very difficult to get pregnant, due to my age of 32 at the time.   We tried IVF, my husband thought the procedures were excruciating (funny!). 

Unfortunately, we underwent four unsuccessful rounds of IVF with my husband’s sperm.  Two rounds at a NZ clinic and one round with the renowned Dr Kee Ong on the Gold Coast, Australia.   Heartbreakingly, we weren’t successful in getting pregnant with either clinic.  Also distressing were some administrative errors which added greatly to our stress, both financially and emotionally.

We then proceeded with our fourth round of IV, back in NZ with another fertility clinic.  This was also devasting as 6 weeks after elation – there was nothing but an empty sac. I needed to take more hormone pills to labour it out.  I had 24 hours of induced labour which could have been 48; but I talked with a lovely nurse and we asked for a physical examination which sped up the process.  I had been superwoman up until this point, but I finally broke. 

After some time-out, we are now in the process of using a sperm donor and I’ve just turned 40.  A lot of my pain from these experiences is feeling like there is a lack of catering for the real human factor.  I do not point blame but have learnt to always ask questions of everyone.  This would be my best piece of advice for those going through this.

I’m really not sure if there have been any real positives to our journey so far, other than I’m still relatively sane.  I’m still hopeful, but this is getting harder by the month.